Naruto' Life
by bloodrun
Summary: Naruto writes about the reason he wants to kill himself. Contains cursing, male/male rape, and character death. Oneshot


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, therefore I own none of its characters.

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><p>Naruto sat at his desk writing out what he hoped to be his last note, his suicide note. The note explaining the main reason why he is about to attempt kill himself.<p>

_To whom it may concern,_

_I am going to tell you a story of my life after I met Sasuke, I am going to show you through this letter what I went through. The reason I am so jumpy and possibly the reason I can't be close enough to people to feel much of anything for them. The reason I can't trust. All because of what happen to me._

"_This is what friends do?" I asked a bit scared. I was sitting on Sasuke's bed, since his room didn't have a chair, and I had no idea what friends really did because everyone was scared of the damn fuzzball. _

"_Would I lie? Would I tell you that friends kiss each other if they really didn't?"_

'_Sasuke wouldn't lie to me, he is too nice…but I've never seen other people kiss their friends, well at least not on the lips like Sasuke wants me to.' I thought before saying, "Maybe you are just being a yaro and trying to make me do something so you would be able to hold it over me, teme."_

"_Why would I need to hold something over you, if I did I would use my grades, dobe."_

"_Hey, I resent that!" I accidently yelled a bit too loud because I was nervous._

"_Hn…You can't resent something that is true. So are you going to kiss me or not?"_

"_Teme" I did and it felt…weird and awkward. We continued to kiss when we were alone, but after a couple months Sasuke said that friends helped other friends out with their 'problems', I didn't know what he meant until he started rubbing up against me while hugging me._

'_He has a hard-on, I hope that he didn't mean help him with THAT' I swallowed and managed to stutter out, "S-sasuke wha–what are y-you doing?"_

"_I thought you said that friends should help friends with their 'problems' and right now, I need help."_

"_S-sasuke, no I don't want to. I DON'T WANT TO!" I was scared and knew it was wrong, yet he was my only friend. My best friend. He was the only one who didn't care that the fuzzball lived in me, the only one who will talk to me. I gave in and gave him a hand job, I wanted to throw up and I did when I got home. It progressively got worse, but he was the only person I had and I didn't want to be alone again. Sasuke tried to convince me that I was getting pleasure out of this to, but the only thing I got from it was sick to the point of throwing up everything I ate and long showers to rub the disgusting feeling off (mainly rubbing my skin raw and then some). I started cutting, first not very deep, it kept getting deeper and deeper. It didn't matter how sick I got or how deep I cut the fuzzball would heal me and I would be 100% fine by the next morning. No one would see the messed up side of me, they would only see my mask. Looking back I guess it is a good thing he didn't fully understand how sex worked, otherwise it would have been way worse._

"_mhm…ahh" Sasuke was moaning as he made me give a blowjob._

"_!" I choked as he made me deep throat him. I was crying and my throat was sore. And then Sasuke suddenly pulls himself out._

"_Turn around I want to try something, put your butt out."_

"_What are you doing?" I asked complying, by now I knew refusing wouldn't work._

"_Trying something." He then started pushing himself between my cheeks, his thing (I refuse to call it anything else) sliding up and down. "Mmm…I thought it would go in farther, but this feels good…ahh."_

_He never learned that he really could go in farther, and I am glad that never happened. Throughout that year I started making friends and learning how real friends acted, then I finally decided to stop Sasuke from basically rapping me. I told him I never wanted to talk to him again and what he did to me was wrong in private. As a way of covering up what he really did I made up a stupid argument about maturity, since everyone knows we are to stubborn to lose an argument it seemed like an immature way to end a friendship._

_Sasuke didn't stay out of my life because of course the people I was friends with were also friends with him. He started to date my new best friend, Sakura, but he didn't seem to take advantage of her. They eventually broke up after a year and he moved on to another one of my friends, Ino, After Ino started dating Sasuke she started hating me because I hated the yaro. I lost another friendship and the fuzzball had nothing to do with it. Now I see him go after people who are at least three years his junior and I can relate to all of the people he goes after. _

_The prat acts so innocent, he acts like he has no idea what kissing is let alone anything more. The yaro is so emotional that the people he goes after think he is basically weak, but I can see he takes advantage of that. I want to stop him, but I can't. I wish I wasn't so weak, so I act strong and put a mask on with a stupid smile. It hurts that I can't do anything, it hurts too much for the pain to stay in. I learned to cut to let the pain out, it has always made me feel better. It made me feel better when I was hated and had no one and it makes me feel better now when I feel bad for seeing that Sasuke can still cause pain. Maybe when you see this I will already be dead. Maybe this time the fuzzball will let me die. Maybe this time I will never have to see his face again._

_-Uzamaki Naruto_

Naruto sets the note on his desk and picks up the kuni on his bed. For a long time he just looks at the blade. Then he plunges it into his right thigh. He brings it back up and cuts his left arm along the vain. Then as an afterthought goes up to the mirror and carves the kanji for death on his forehead. Finally he takes out a second kuni and plunge the first one towards his heart and the second towards his throat.

"Goodbye world." A few seconds later he collapses on the floor, a pool of blood quickly flowing out onto his floor.

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><p>Reveiw if you want, I know I am not much of a writer so go ahead and tell me what you think.<p> 


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